This was written in May 2013.  I had not posted it before because it is was so personal for me.  However, a very dear friend just lost her Father suddenly and oddly, this post had been on my mind the last few days.  Just felt like it was time to share.

Remembrance 

Recently I was reading messages daughters wrote in memory or in honor of their Mothers for Mother’s Day in the local newspaper.  It was a nice section to read.  Many echoed the same sentiments: love, respect, positive role models, perseverance, etc.  It made me think.  While I definitely can use all of these sentiments to describe my Mother, Grandmother, and Aunts, I feel there is so much more than can be said.  A deeper layer if you will.  

My family had a tough year last year.  Mom had two major medical crises and it took a toll on her spirit.  Our family stood together and rallied around Mom.  We did what we could to keep her spirits high but when you are down more than you are up, it can weigh heavily on your spirit.  Despite all the love surrounding you, you can feel alone.  You can feel as if the pain will not stop.  The healing won’t come.  The end is near.

How odd to be writing about the end when thinking about my Mother.  As with the huge hole in my heart after my Grandmothers' passing, I can’t even think about the pain my heart will have when God decides to bring my Mother home.  On this Mother’s Day, as I’m reading these messages in the local newspaper, I am not reminded of the many lessons Mom taught me, shaping me into the person I am today.  I am reminded of a doctors office.  I am reminded of the look on the Doctor's face that did not match the words coming out of his mouth.  I am reminded of the fear in my Father’s eyes after over three hours of surgery and no words from the doctor.  I am reminded of the feeling in my gut that was conflicting with the the feeling in my heart.  I am reminded of a very long week in the hospital when it didn’t seem things were getting better but worse.  I am reminded of how we all fought to keep her spirit up while she struggled to recover from major abdominal surgery.  I am reminded of the phone call.

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This Mother’s Day I see my Mom in a different light than ever before.  I see a survivor.  I see someone much stronger than she will ever realize she is.  I see someone who has picked herself up and despite the incredibly difficult journey lived to see 2013 and has made positive changes in her life that will help her to continue to heal.  

This Mother’s Day I no longer have fear.  I held strong for so long.  I didn’t break down in front of her.  I didn’t break down in front of anyone.  I had not allowed the fear to enter my thoughts.  If I had, I could not have been supportive.  My body language and facial expressions had to be positive, had to be strong.  I’m too easy to read.  I carry my emotion on my sleeve.  If I let the fear in, Mom would have known.  It would have confirmed her fears.  I couldn’t let it show.  I had to be strong for her.

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I’m at a statewide training preparing to begin co-teaching the program.  Mom calls.  I answer.  She’s just left the doctor’s office from her follow-up.  She’s doing great.  He’s really proud of her progress and her new lifestyle habits that will only help her to heal.  She doesn’t have to go back for a year.  What a turn of events from just six months ago.  Things are better.  Mom is healthy.  She’s active.  She’s healing.  

She shares a comment from the doctor:

You are a very lucky young lady Mrs. Bunch.  I didn’t think you would be alive today when I first saw you.  I was convinced you had pancreatic cancer and you had less than six months to live.  

Praise God.  

This Mother’s Day, I am not focused on the person I am today because of the many wonderful lessons and love my Mother shared with me.  This Mother’s Day, I remember.  I remember how close I was to not having her with me on Mother’s Day.  I remember the fear.  I walk out of the training and break down.  I needed ten minutes to release the fear.  To acknowledge it and let it go.  This Mother’s Day the fear does not consume me.  This Mother’s Day, I don’t have to be strong.  This Mother’s Day I am happy.  This Mother’s Day, the fear is gone.  This Mother’s Day, my mother is alive and healing.  This Mother’s Day, my heart is whole.

This Mother’s Day I owe to God.  

.  

Weeks 6-9

Volunteer Weeks 6 & 7 & 8 & 9

It’s been a crazy few weeks in my life.  First, my husband fell and tore his quadricep tendon.  We spent hours in the ER and he had surgery the next week.  Suddenly, I was in charge of everything.  For someone that is completely over-the-top type A, I don’t like to be in charge of households.  I emailed my GOTR coaches to let them know I might be a little late … had to pick up the chica and get her home with Dad to babysit while I came to GOTR.  My coaches, being as sweet and understanding as they are, told me not to worry about coming … I could stay home and take care of my husband.  In my head though, I thought … I NEED GOTR!!!!  I needed the girls to help lift my spirits and I needed the running practice to relieve stress.  

Week 6

This week’s topic was on bullying.  This is such an important topic for young girls.  We reinforced the different type of bullying and the SBLR (Stop, Breathe, Listen to your inner voice, Respond) method for dealing with and responding to bullies.  During the running portion, girls ran a lap and then answered a question, ran a lap, answered a question, etc.  Examples of questions were: “Are there ever good reasons to bully someone?  What are they?” AND “Imagine you are being bullied.  Write down the names of two adults you would be able to talk to if you were ever being bullied.”  At the end, we discussed the questions with the girls.  We have a smart group of girls.  GOTR is helping them to remain strong and healthy!

Week 7

I’ve been looking forward to week seven since the program began.  Week 7 was the practice 5k.  Unfortunately, we were running a course through mostly grass and my ankle was not strong enough to handle the uneven terrain.  I tore the ligament in my left ankle almost four years ago and had surgery almost two years ago to put it back together (yes, back together … it was literally torn in half).  I’m very careful with my ankle these days.  That was a very painful surgery and recovery and I do not ever want to go through that again.  I hated to leave my running buddy but she did a super job and kept going.  I did walk the practice 5k, but walking was all I could do.  Especially because I had my biggest race of the year last Saturday … I couldn’t take the chance of hurting my ankle.  

What I was most proud of for week seven was the commitment the girls had for the practice 5k.  It was VERY hot and even though several girls had to stop and get water and sit down, they didn’t stay down.  They got back up and either finished the 5k course or walked around the track.  However, we are all thankful the 5k race will be early in the morning and we won’t endure the heat during the actual race!

Week 8

We had a slim crew for week 8.  It was the last day of school before Spring Break and several girls were out as family vacations began.  We still had a good time with the girls.  We discussed the lesson topic - media messages - and the girls were really in tune with ad messages.  I think this is such an important topic.  Girls need to understand the meanings behind media messages (ads).  It’s important for them to feel confident in who they are so they choose products/services that are healthy.  

After the lesson, we played a game on the field.  The girls were divided into four groups and each worked as a team.  This was a great group effort by the girls.  Very proud of them.  After we had time for a short run.  Again the girls were very encouraging and even though it was a short run, they made ran/walked with a purpose!

Week 9

We did not meet this week because of Spring Break!

Volunteer - Weeks 4 & 5

Volunteer Weeks 4 & 5

I missed my blog last week.  I’ve been thinking a lot about writing a book about a life-changing experience I had at age 16.  In my head, the words move smoothly.  The emotion, the pain, the reality, the after-math are all in place.  Yet when I sit down to write, the words don’t find their way to the paper.  They are just phrases, incomplete thoughts.

I reflect back to weeks four and five with Girls on the Run.  Some girls are going strong.  They will be ready for the 5k at the end of April.  Others are still moving around the track to move.  But that is the beauty of GOTR – they don’t have to run to be successful.  They just have to cross the finish line.

In week four, we played a game where the girls had to work as a team.  In an instant, they were cheering each other on and finding ways for the team to complete the game.  This is one of the reasons I love this program.  This is the type of lesson you can’t teach in a classroom.  This game also inspired the girls to work as a team while running.  The girls were encouraging each other on each lap and helping each other when some didn’t think they could make it.  It was a good week.

In week five, we had rain.  While the rain stopped after the lesson on peer pressure, the track had new dirt, which equaled new mud.  So, we moved to the playground area and ran around 4 posts.  It was a good back-up plan but not very challenging for the girls.  Most had a hard time moving with a purpose.  It brought me back to my book.  How do I get the words out of my head?  How do I help the girls out of their comfort zone?  The girls are just moving … no purpose, incomplete laps, not finding their way to the finish line. 

We get out of our comfort zones and it’s hard to find our way.  Hopefully on Thursday the weather will be good and the girls can return to the track.  The run will be smooth and will flow around and around.  The finish line will get crossed.  Maybe on Thursday, I’ll find words on my paper also.

Volunteer - Week 3

Volunteer – Week 3

I am more impressed with Girls on the Run (GOTR) each week.  I only wish I could participate twice a week instead of once a week.  This past week, I saw two of my girls outside of GOTR.  They are both so sweet and came up and said Hi to me.  I think this is when you really realize the impact of your volunteer work.  That it is more than just a running club.  You are really reaching these young girls and giving them the tools to deal with the many curve balls life will throw at them.  

Last week’s lesson was on stress and ways to relieve stress.  I liked the introduction of the topic.  I think it fit well for the age group.  We all discussed how we would feel if we didn’t have a chance to take a break.  Would our heads explode?  I know some days I do feel as though my head will explode!!  Running is my therapy.  It’s my escape.  It’s a healthy escape.  So, after warm-ups, we focused on running individually.  Taking the time with each lap to think and let our minds wander.  

In today’s technologically savvy world, we often do not take the time to let our mind wander.  The iPhone is dinging with every text, email, or Facebook message.  When do we have a moment to just smile or laugh?  These are luxuries or burdens I didn’t have as a child.  I didn’t have these interruptions.  It’s easy for me to sit back and think ... to turn the phone off because after all, I didn’t grow up with it attached to my hip.  But our GOTR girls don’t really know life moves on without the dings for this and that.  Life seems too quiet without the iPod playing your favorite song.  

So, here we go around the track.  Lap by lap.  Quietly looking at each other wondering how long each can last without stopping to talk to a friend.  I’m fairly impressed.  For the most part, the majority of the girls are going around the track on their own.  They get a word or two in when they stop for water.  

As I am running my laps, I notice how improved the girls are from the previous week.  You still have some that have not found their inner runner.  But as a long time runner, I know it takes time to find the inner runner in yourself.  And for those that have found their inner runner ... well, let’s just say, taking laps around the track on their own only propelled them to run smoother, cleaner, and faster.  After all, when the noise isn’t crowding your head and you can let your mind wander, there is nothing to slow you down.

At the end of the 12 weeks, I hope each girl finds the inner runner in them.  And I hope each learns how to let their mind wander.

Volunteer - Week 2

Volunteer – Week 2

I admit – I really missed last week with GOTR.  It felt like it was the first day all over again.  I will have to take attendance at my next meeting because I already forgot some of the girls’ names.

This session went very well.  We talked about healthy eating so our bodies can be strong.  I’ve been working on a Farm to School grant since last June.  Recently, I’ve been visiting classrooms to observe Farm to School lessons.  I’m amazed at how much the students know about eating healthy.  In a society where childhood obesity is on the rise, I had the impression society in general didn’t know or understand healthy eating habits.  I think some of this knowledge is a credit to the schools attempts at making nutrition education a priority in the classroom and in the cafeteria.

Pleasant Hill Elementary in Lexington One has done a wonderful job of rehabilitating their school menu.  Each month, SC Grown produce is served to the students at least twice during the month.  Not only is this produce whole and healthy, it’s also local and supports our farmers.  It also introduces students to fruits and vegetables they may not have had the opportunity to try at home.  In addition to the monthly SC Grown produce, Lexington One also has a week long “SC Grown Menu” where every produce item for the week is fresh and SC Grown.  This is usually in the Spring when fresh produce is abundant.  I attribute this effort by Lexington One to some of the great answers our GOTR students had during the healthy eating lesson. 

Not only did our GOTR students have a lot of knowledge about healthy eating, they also had great questions.  One of the most important aspects of teaching is to help students know how to ask questions.  Pleasant Hill Elementary is doing a great job of creating active learners in and out of the classroom.

After our lesson on healthy eating, we played a game to reinforce the concepts learned during the lesson.  The game was fun and a great warm-up for our running.  We ran for 30 minutes around the track.  After each lap, girls stopped for a sip of water and to think about different daily activities (on a worksheet) and their importance for a healthy lifestyle. 

I enjoyed working with the girls to help them keep a good pace around the track.  I know the excitement of starting at the finish line.  Who wants to go slow?  As an experienced runner, I still shoot out of the gate and run for the finish line.  The problem is the finish line is 3.15 miles away.  After about a minute or two, I slow my pace to my official goal pace for the race (usually 9:30-9:45/minute) and stay on course to finish in my goal time.  I ran with several different groups of girls.  I gave them encouragement and discussed the importance of breathing, good posture, and pacing.  I had them stay with me for a defined distance so they could see the difference in pacing.  We ran segments around the track to see the difference.  The girls were very responsive.  As with any group, you have some that are natural runners and others that are not.  I was never a natural runner.  Slowly, I am becoming more natural when I run.  I hope these girls will also find the natural runner inside of them.  

Volunteer - Week 1

Over the next several weeks, I'll be writing about my volunteer experience with Girls on the Run at Pleasant Hill Elementary School.

I had been searching for a way to get my daughter to run with me.  She loves to ride her bike, but she's not excited about running.  I thought the idea of running and crossing a finish line would entice her, but there just didn't seem to be any real interest.  About five weeks ago, we received a local magazine with a picture of girls crossing the finish line of a race.  The title said, "Girls on the Run".  As soon as my daughter saw it, she said, "I want to do that!"  What, really?  I've been begging you to run with me for six months and one picture will get you motivated?  Well, let's face it ... it doesn't matter what the motivation, the extra time spent with her is all I really want.  She doesn't realize I still get the benefit!

I took some time to review the website for Girls on the Run (GOTR).  Their website is very informative. I was excited to see a program at my daughter's school - only to find out the program is for grades 3-5.  Ashton is in 2nd grade.  While she was disappointed, she was quick to add she could look forward to participating next school year!  I decided to contact GOTR about volunteering anyway ... it felt like such a good fit and it would give me the opportunity to learn about the program before Ashton started it.

As a runner, I'm always looking for ways to bring others over to the dark side.  I'm always asked why I run.  People often say, "I only run if someone is chasing me."  I understand.  I used to feel the same way.  I've been running for eight years and on some days, I still can't believe I'm a runner.  It was simple for me.  I wanted to run to lose those last 20lbs after Ashton was born.  I was doing great with my baby weight while pregnant.  I worked out up till the day I was put on bed rest.  Funny thing about going from being active every day to laying in a bed every day ... the weight just piles on.  Quickly and swiftly.  After losing close to 30lbs pretty quickly, the last 20 would not budge.  So, I picked up my pace on the treadmill, slowly but surely, till you could call my actions "running".

I've had several bumps along the way.  Most notably a torn ligament in my ankle, but regardless of my health, I always counted down the days till I could run.  It's a part of who I am now.  It's my therapy.  It's my motivation.  It defines me.  GOTR just felt right.  Giving young girls an opportunity to work through their insecurities, their questions, their friendships, their problems with a healthy activity like running was just perfect.  I went through the application process and now I am officially a GOTR Assistant Coach.  While I can only commit one day a week, I know it will be a great experience.

Coincidentally, I began working on my second Masters in January.  About two weeks after I signed up for GOTR, I found out I would have to volunteer for one of my classes this semester.  Hence the blog.  So, here goes week 1 (one week late) with GOTR.

We began week 1 by doing an ice breaker game.  I always enjoy this type of activity because it really gives you a chance to step outside of your comfort zone.  We have a full group of girls ... almost 30 ... so the ice breaker game took some time.  I just hope I remember everyone's names when I go back.  I had to miss last week because of a prior commitment.  We didn't run on Week 1, but we did do stretches and an outdoor activity.  The girls seem competitive.  It will be interesting to see if they remain that way.  I was also pleased to see we had some girls from home school organizations and different schools.  I think this is an excellent way to teach the girls about reaching out to others.

I'm looking forward to running laps with the girls this week.  I wonder how many will be excited about running and how many just want to talk themselves around the track.  I wonder how this will change throughout the remaining seven weeks.  I wonder how many will wander over to the dark side.

Voice

Voice

    When is OK to voice an opinion?  Why are so many offended by opinions?  Why do opinions have to be wrong or right?  I recently had a difference of opinion with the way a situation was handled at Ashton’s school.  I chose not to take it the Principal because I didn’t want to be labeled as “that Mom”.  During a conversation with a friend that is a teacher, she suggested the Principal would not label me and felt that I should contact her with my concern - the valid concern in the situation.  You see, I have several concerns, but it’s a matter of opinion on which are valid.  However the situation in general is valid.  

    As our conversation continued, the teacher versus the parent came out.  I’m not saying this in a negative light.  At times, we all need a reality check when it comes to our children.  So often we have tunnel vision in regards to our children.  We want to be sure they have the best opportunities to succeed and we do not always see that there are two sides to the story.  It’s interesting and beneficial to hear the other side of the coin - especially when it comes to public schools.

    I’m not really sure why public schools have taken on the mentality of teacher versus parent.  I’m sure there are numerous factors that have impacted the stand off.  I’m not a certified teacher but I’m also not completely ignorant of the education system.  I have over 30 hours of undergrad courses in education and a few graduate level education courses.  I just completed a Masters degree in Youth Development Leadership.  But somehow, I got the impression that I’m not an educator so my concerns weren’t valid and I was just an opinionated parent.  I got the feeling that in the teacher versus parent stance, only one can be right.  It’s not the parent.

    In one breath, my friend was encouraging me to reach out to the principal.  In the next, she was telling me that I was the kind of parent that she hates to have in her class.  I won’t lie.  At first, I was very offended.  What exactly does that mean?  I took a few weeks to really think about what she was saying.  I know her well and I know she was not trying to be mean or undermine my concerns.  I really think it comes down to the teacher versus parent.  

    My friend was very supportive of my concerns till I said the Ashton’s teacher was not qualified to make the assumption she made.  That’s when the shift took place and the teacher versus parent stance started.  I didn’t say that to demean or de-qualify the teacher and her experience.  I simply meant that being a teacher - just as being a parent - does not qualify you to be a trained Psychologist.  We can all decide what we think the problem is, but the reality is, only a trained Doctor can make a medical and psychological diagnosis.  At the very least, I felt the teacher should have brought in the Guidance Counselor and/or the School Psychologist.  What she felt was simply an attention issue could have been seizures based on Ashton’s medical history.  As soon as I heard the teacher talking and she saw my face, she knew that she had overstepped her boundary.  

    Voicing this opinion really offended my teacher friend.  But isn’t it interesting that just from a ten minute conversation that she labeled me as the bad parent?  If she did that - as my friend - what would the principal do if I did contact her?  She ironically confirmed my initial concern - that I would be labeled.  So, what do we do as parents?  How do we voice our opinions and concerns and not have our children suffer because the school labels us as “that parent”? 

    In almost any private industry, constructive criticism is a standard in employee evaluation and customer service.  Yet, in the public schools, constructive criticism labels you and hurts your child.  

    What is even more interesting is that based on a ten minute conversation, I’m labeled as the kind of parent that she hates to have in her classroom.  Does that mean that she would also hate the time that I volunteer in the classroom?  The supplies that I buy to help the teacher?  The books that I buy for the classroom?  All that is welcome as long as it doesn’t come with a voice.